This morning I looked at Milo and thought, “You’re cute, but your mommy is badder” (and Milo is REALLY fucking cute btw). But I feel like I’m coming into myself again and as literally bad as I think I look right now, I know I’m cuter than my absolutely adorable dog. We’re two baddies 😍.
But he’s depressed and traumatized, and I guess so am I. For 2 years, I have lived my life primarily inside of my head. Luckily I’m a natural introvert and a very smart girl, so I can keep myself entertained (and so can Milo lol). So that’s great, except I don’t want to feel like a shell of a person anymore. I don’t want to retreat further and further into myself because I’m terrified of everything. If only my dog would stop thinking the world is out to get him!
I think I love/hate Milo so much because he shows me the best and saddest parts of myself. I want to help him, but I don’t know how to help myself. I want to fix him, but I don’t know how to fix myself. I want him to just be better! Right now!! But I also know that’s impossible because he’s been through so much. I adopted Milo; he had a life before me. He’s cute and he’s young, but he’s been through a lot. Milo has pain. Cuteness doesn’t erase that.
I started learning to read tarot cards recently and I keep pulling the deer card. The deer is “the mother” and apparently ya girl needs to learn patience. And perspective. I think the only way to help him is to be patient with him. Except I’m the most impatient person I know. So I guess that’s where the perspective comes in.
This isn’t about me. This is about him. Milo’s trauma is about him and my personal trauma does not negate his. I can’t be mad at my dog for making me sad when 1) I wasn’t happy to begin with and 2) his sadness has nothing to do with me because he’s working through his own shit.
As his mommy, the only thing I should be worried about is his happiness. I see him struggling, so I need to help him. I see his sad eyes, so I need to make sure his tail wags more often than it does not.
I need to get him outside, and running! I need to take him out of his sadness and show him that life is great, and fun, and there are so many more treats out there in the world. Maybe that’s my perspective shift. I need to stop throwing a us dual pity party and surprise my boy with the best rest of his life!
So what I’m saying is, stop moping. It’s ok, you’re fine. The people you love are fine. Rome wasn’t built in a day and people are allowed to be sad for now. Let’s just stop staying sad. It’s not fun and the people we love need us to at least pretend to be happy so we can love them a little more. Who knows, maybe it’ll even trick us into loving ourselves a little more too. 💕
Spotify Playlist: Bob Marley (4 Evaaaa) 🌸