What I Mean When I Say, “I Feel Fat” 💩

We live in a society where everyone is offended by everything.

Do you ever feel like you can’t say anything without someone taking it the wrong way, putting their spin on it, or straight up telling you what you should be saying instead? I feel this way. It infuriates me.

So let me tell you what happened. The other day I was over a friend’s house and we were drinking vodka and trying on dresses. Because that’s what girls do. And I looked in the mirror and said, “I want to lose ten pounds”.   

All hell broke loose.

In my mind, I thought I was saying: Wow, I look good in this dress! But I see areas I could improve by working out. That’s easy. As a current 8, who the fuck doesn’t want to look like a 10? Who doesn’t want to feel like a badass b*tch?? (now that’s self-improvement!) Hell yeah, I can lose ten pounds and make myself more body-confident in a bikini. Done.

But you can’t say that out loud, because the second you mention the word “fat” you’re the devil or a body shaming bully. How about we blame society for setting and reinforcing these standards? Not to mention, my friend who is saying this is gorgeous and very clearly works out every day. Like, every day.

Maybe I just want to feel good in my own skin, in this world we all live in. If you had a mustache above your lip, would you not wax? Or at least Nair if you don’t want to pay for the wax? But why do we feel so personally attached to fat? It’s fat. It doesn’t make you who you are. If you trim your hair, do you hate yourself?

I had even started to convince myself that I had some mild form of body dysmorphia; I was the crazy one for not loving an unhealthily-high percentage of body fat. For wanting to start running so I wouldn’t get tired from walking up the stairs too fast. For wanting to actually feel confident in an overpriced dress we buy for the sole purpose of looking good. I’m a real life psycho.

No! I want to be a healthy happy human being and I realize this one thing really affects my confidence and body image, so I’m going to change it. And also, obesity is real. Health is science. Stop telling me to stay happy and out of breath.

I see a problem with myself and I want to fix it. That should not be offensive to anyone and if it is, I’m sorry I don’t really care. Please stop telling me how I should love myself.

My body, my choice. I’ll eat healthy and workout if I want to. Haters.

Song of the Day: May I Have This Dance x Francis and The Lights ✨

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