A Letter For My Mom 🎈🎁

So today is my mom’s birthday! And of course I’m sending her a gift, but I also wanted to write something to tell my mom how much I love her. Except it was a little hard, because we haven’t always had the best relationship. So, I googled “famous songs about moms”. It took me one song to know what to write.

Here’s why I love my mom:

  • She’s beautiful. Her smile and laugh have always been two of my favorite things in the entire world. My mother lights up every room she walks into and I love her for it. My mom sparkles. 

  • She’s literally one of the strongest people I know. I remember when I was around 12 my aunt stopped paying the mortgage (for months) and one day stopped taking my mom’s rent money because she was telling us to move out. Abruptly. Because foreclosure. My mom freaked for a bit, but then she bought the house. My early 30’s single mom turned a shitty situation into home ownership. And then she turned it into investment property. Like a boss.

  • My mom really is a boss. Literally. My mom employs half of my family. My mom is the reason I know my grandma is okay while I’m all the way in Alaska. My mom is the reason I can afford to send my grandma new purses while I’m all the way in Alaska. My mom is setting an example for my little sisters and all the other little black girls in my community. My mom is showing Newark Black Female Entrepreneurship every day. My mom is changing the world. 

  • My mom has a really nice touch. We stopped hugging as I got older, but sometimes I break down and let her hug me and I swear I can melt in her arms. My mom fills me with warmth, especially when I need her the most. 

  • My mom is pretty fucking selfless. She doesn’t give me everything I want, but she definitely gives a lot to a lot of people. Apparently my mom is kind of a pushover, who knew! I love that I’ve lived with my mom my entire life and other people can still show me things about her that I love. 

  • I just really fucking like her. The more I get to know my mom, the more I really really like her. The more I respect her. The more I admire her. The more I’m proud of her. She’s kind of cool. 

I am proud to say that I feel like I could go on forever, but I think we get the point. I love my mom. And as I’m sitting in Alaska with the privilege to start an online fashion brand and prepare to move to a new city, I can’t help but thank her too. 

Thank you mom for everything you have ever done for me. Thank you for allowing me to wreck your car on my joyride to Delaware and live to brag about it. Thank you for tucking me in and kissing my forehead my first night home from LA. Thank you for being my net and making sure I never fall too far. Thank you for teaching me travel is life. Thank you for always coming back when I push you away. (Thank you for breast feeding and pumping for me when I was a baby). Thank you for being the strong, boss of an empire that you are. And thank you for never being afraid to leave a man you knew wasn’t your soulmate. Thank you for being the absolute best example of a woman. I love you. 

Happy Birthday! 

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Want Success? Plant A Seed Every Day 🌵

This week, I figured out something that’s kind of important: Do ONE thing at a time. I have so much to do, that I get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing; and yesterday, I stuck to one thing all day and got it done.

To be more specific, yesterday I completed ❤️ my casting application for The Bachelor. Of course I was still stressed and overwhelmed about not creating the new store; and today that’s what I woke up stressed about. But know what I’m not stressed about? My Bachelor application. 😁 That envelope is sealed, signed, dated, and ready to go. It just needs a stamp.

Plant a seed every day.

Don’t just look at the seed. Don’t just plan how to have an illustrious garden. Don’t just wonder about your garden full of tomatoes, cucumbers, lemons, limes, and whatever else you want. Plant the tomatoes. Then plant the cucumbers. Then the lemons, then the limes. Then you have a garden.

It’s 9:40 AM on a Wednesday and all I have to do today is build a website and create ads. That’s it! I have all day and I’m home alone with nothing else to do. I get to plant another seed today. 🤗

Tomorrow morning when my store is up, what will I be stressed about? That’s a story for another day. 🦋

Here’s your to-do list:

  1. Write out everything you want. Not things you “need to do”, but things you actually want for your life. I want to be on The Bachelor and run an online clothing store. Then I want babies, and a kick ass nonprofit for women.
  2. Assign each thing on your list to a specific day. I don’t have a job or kids, so I have plenty of time. Do you only have weekends? Every Sunday you accomplish a task. Deal?
  3. Only add things to your list that can be accomplished in a day. “Start a Nonprofit” is not on my list. “Do market research and schedule interviews with female entrepreneurs” is.
  4. See that list get shorter every week. That’s the beauty of getting sh*t done. Once it’s done, it’s freaking done!
  5. Revel in how happy your life looks when your seeds start to blossom. You did it! Step by step, day by day.

Plant your seeds baby girl! See your dreams come to fruition. 🌷

Song of the Day: Work B*tch x Britney Spears

Dear Ayesha Curry 🥰

When I first saw Black Twitter tear Ayesha Curry to shreds, I laughed and laughed and laughed. I remembered Ayesha’s 2015 tweet telling other women to, “keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters” and then I laughed again. Steph not hitting it right or something? Is he not still “the one who matters”? Sounds like Ayesha is finally getting what she deserves to me. But then I thought about it..

Here’s what I want to say to Ayesha Curry: I don’t agree with your Red Table Talk comment. I don’t see why a woman would want to be ogled by men who are not her husband. Most of us want a husband so that those other men will literally leave us alone.

Here’s what I do agree with: Ayesha’s right to say whatever she wants and to feel beautiful and wanted every single day. Mom’s get to feel beautiful. Mom’s of three get to feel beautiful. Moms who are also wives of famous well-respected NBA players get to feel beautiful. Single 25 year old writers living in Seattle get to feel beautiful. And we don’t get to shame these women for wanting to feel desired. In Ayesha’s words, “I am human.”

For those who missed it, during Ayesha’s Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith, Ayesha commented on Steph’s abundance of groupies and said, “Like the past 10 years, I don’t have any of that. I have zero- this sounds weird- but like, male attention, and so then I begin to internalize it, and I’m like, ‘Is something wrong with me?'”

Men want to feel desired, women want to feel desired; sex is literally how we procreate. It keeps the world going! But people seem to love to shame women for our sexuality and that is not ok. Donald Trump, our sitting President, literally likes to, “grab women by the pussy” and that’s apparently fine, but a gorgeous 30 year old mom of three can’t tell the world she wants to feel desired? Because her husband constantly has women throwing themselves at him all hours of the day?

As WOMEN we ALL need to stick up for Ayesha Curry and protect her right to feel beautiful and desired, and to say it out loud, because it’s our right too. I might not agree with what she said, but I agree with why she said it. Ayesha’s comment might have made me uncomfortable, but I still stand by her right to say it.

Side note: I have a Facebook friend who constantly posts online about her sexual talents. Like, I know way too much and it does make me uncomfortable, but I also know she’s freaking proud of herself and all of her capabilities. And I respect that.

For women who want to feel desired, here are my tips:

1. Make yourself feel beautiful every single day. Take a spa day, or save money and stock up on Target face masks for a spa-night. Drink a glass of wine and watch stripper dance lesson videos on YouTube. Wear high heels to work if it makes you stand taller. This works!

2. Wear lingerie for your boyfriend/husband and make sure his mouth drops to the floor when he sees you. Single? Wear lingerie for your damn self. And take pics.

3. Write out a list of all the things you love about yourself. In the case of my FB friend, I know she loves her sexual prowess. Home girl is not vanilla. What do you love about yourself?

4. Moms, take your kids out for mani-pedis so you can treat yourself too. Kids tend to be discounted. Or leave them with the babysitter and treat yourself!

5. Go out for drinks with your girls and flirt up a storm. Never give out your number, don’t go home with anyone, and use a fake name. Mine is Bianca.

Personally, I think Ayesha made her comment because Stephen is lacking in the bedroom, but that’s none of my business. Because your husband’s approval should be enough… but is it? How satisfied are you girl?? Steph Curry kisses her ass, but does he tap that ass as well? Again, none of my business.

As women we need to desire ourselves first. Because sometimes our men forget and it’s ok to want to feel desirable! We’re human.

And random men, shut the fuck up. Her body, her choice. Stop getting mad because beautiful women don’t desire you. It’s wildly hypocritical.

Oh and Ayesha, stop slut shaming women in your tweets. You can’t perpetuate a high-saddity-married-women-are-better-than-thou narrative and then be mad when it’s used against you. That’s why people don’t like you. And that logic isn’t very nice either.

Song of The Day: Can’t Hold Us Down x Christina Aguilera & Lil Kim

How To Find The Perfect Job 🦸🏽‍♀️

So if you follow me on Instagram, then you’ve heard the great news: I found a job!

Honestly, I’d given up on the job search and decided Freelance Or Die, but then I met a really cool fashion designer and the game totally changed. Basically, I asked myself 2 questions. She passed. And the rest is history!

Here’s how to find YOUR perfect job:

1. Does this further my future goals?

Do you have goals other than have a 50 year career, retire, then die? Does your current job even have a 50 year lifespan? Would you prefer to start your own business? Has your dream in life always been owing a spiked lemonade stand?

These are questions you need to ask. If you want to save a lot of money and retire early in Thailand, that job is going to look a lot different than one meant for an astronaut.

You also need to ask what the job offers? Money. Duh. Opportunities for growth? Opportunities to try different fields? Opportunities to meet your future husband? Tuition reimbursement? Peace of mind? What matters to you?

What’s the point of getting up and going to this job every single day? Go after that.

I suggest picking a career path you’re interested in, finding people to contact, and reaching out to as many future mentors and connects as possible! Indeed works too.

2. Will I make enough money to do what I want?

The next big one, and in my opinion the most important: HOW MUCH ARE YOU GETTING PAID?

A job is something you do for money, not because your boss is nice. Will this job pay you enough to live comfortably?

Will you be living paycheck to paycheck? Can you afford to vacation twice a year? Do you even care to afford vacations or would you rather get company stocks? How much do you need to make to live a happy life inside and outside of work?

If you think money isn’t important, I can honestly tell you it’s the reason I’ve quit every single one of my jobs. If I don’t get paid enough to be miserable, I’m not doing it.

Your money should further your future goals. That’s it. Don’t let it run your life and don’t let a lack of money keep you from living your life.

Moral of the story: Everyone needs a job (because we all need money). Make sure your job makes you happy!

Song of the Day: Money x Cardi B 🥂

Why You Should Work For Women 👠

I’ve recently decided I do not want to work for men anymore. Instead of dragging all my old bosses, let’s focus on the positives! Here’s why you  should work for women!

She is more likely to be your mentor. Women get women and chances are, she’s been in your shoes and can share your point of view. Better yet, she can add to it because she’s already gone through it. Men and women have different experiences and you might be able to better learn from a Girl Boss (get it lol) because she can relate to you.  Also, there are tons of resources specifically for women! (ex: scholarships, bar associations, etc.) and she might be able to help you gain access to those.

Women Achieve Results! Women have things to do! Including raising babies and making 7 figures. We’re great at multitasking; we love efficiency and results! Women tend to be better at working in teams; men tend to treat you like their assistant.

Social Proof: A CNBC article found that companies with female executives are more profitable . I think that’s because women are better at analyzing problems, which leads to more efficient solutions = more profit = more paycheck for you!

(Ideally) No sexual harassment. I promised I would not drag my old bosses, but at least 2 of my old bosses have made inappropriate advances towards me #MeToo. Frankly, I just got tired of having to quit my job because a man couldn’t learn how to keep his hands to himself. Women don’t tend to have that problem. Of course, there are exceptions, but we’re speaking generally here.

Women are more understanding of life things in general. Empathy and emotional intelligence are way more prevalent in women bosses, and that makes me really happy! Women also tend to be better at communication, which makes for a happier workplace.

Balancing work and professional life are no longer impossible.Women are more open to maternity and paternity leave, they understand the concept of work from home, and in general they also want to get home to their lives.

When working for men, I noticed they never try to see my point of view. Which 1. Makes me feel unappreciated and 2. Lowers the company’s retention rate because I don’t like feeling unappreciated. So I leave. And when you constantly quit jobs, you make less overall. Which increases the gender pay gap and have I said this already? You should work for women. 😍

Reminders:

  • She’s still your boss, not your girlfriend.
  • Respect her just as you would respect a man (lots of ppl don’t and that’s rude af).
  • Please do not go out for drinks with any of your bosses, male or female. It’s unprofessional and potentially unsafe. And you might get fired if you do something stupid, because that’s your boss! Don’t pull a Craig and get fired on your day off. ❤️

Song of the Day: Run The World x Beyonce 👑

Still NOT Getting A Job ☃️

It’s almost 2019 and I promised myself I would have my life together by 2019. And that matters. Because this honey sets deadlines and she sticks to them, duh.

Everyone has been telling me I need to get a job. All successful adults have jobs. Literally everyone has a job. One day I was walking down Sunset Blvd. and I looked at everyone and thought, “Wow, he has a job…she has a job…I bet they have jobs too. Look! A delivery man, that’s a job”. I was like a kid in a candy store realizing everyone had jobs. Except there seemed to be no candy for me.

I quit my job a little over a year ago because I felt like it was literally eating my soul alive. So this time around, I decided I would get a job that didn’t suck the life from me. And I would have time to travel and work on my foundation and still be home enough for my puppy. Guess what? That job doesn’t exist when you’re 2 years out of college. So I’m still not getting a mother f*cking job. And yes, I will have my life together by 2019. I will have my life together by next mother f*cking week.

I can see this shitty jobless situation as an opportunity to uplift myself and do what I’ve wanted to be doing all along. Working for myself, building my own businesses, being able to afford to vacation whenever I want. I’ve been applying to jobs for weeks now and I’ve always been someone who’s, “never not gotten a job” until now. So imagine me screaming, “DEAR GOD, WHY NOW”.

Well, I think God wants me to get off my ass and do what I was put here to do. Has anyone else noticed my blog is the only thing I do semi-consistently? I’m a writer. I write. I could use some writing classes, but all professionals build on their craft. I am a professional. I have a craft. I’m a writer. 

(BTW, I wrote an ebook that people still buy 🤯)

I’m not getting a job because I’m starting a freelance writing business. A real business. Not Upwork or Fiverr. This weekend. 

Where is all this coming from? Well, I was seeing this guy and one day we were talking  about futures and he said he believed in me. Obviously I rolled my eyes, but in the back of my mind I made note: he “believed” in me, why didn’t I believe in myself?

I know writers don’t make shit tons of money (traditionally) but I’ve never done anything traditionally. And when I care to try, I typically do really well. I’m going to believe in myself and I’m going to start a business built on my talents. And then I’m going to use that money to start a foundation that helps other young women start businesses built on their talents. 

I’m not getting a fucking job.  

They gone have to kill me Grandmama, I’m not they slave.

Song of the Day: What’s Free x Meek Mill 👅 (Jay Z’s verse specifically)

Baby’s First Sabbatical 👼🏽

All this time I’ve been beating myself up because in my mind, I was supposed to be using this time in LA to get YouTube Famous. And as long as I’m not famous, I feel like I’ve failed. Except a year ago I couldn’t even admit that I wanted to be famous because my ex shamed me into thinking it was stupid. So how the hell was I going to become famous when I couldn’t even admit out loud that I wanted it?

All this time I’ve considered myself a failure for not being famous yet, but what if I was doing all the real work in the background? I was healing myself. I was overcoming generations of poverty and lack of opportunity. I was building a career for myself so I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life asking someone for a paycheck. I was learning “rich white people” culture so I could finally stop feeling poor and black.

Also, I reread that sentence and instantly thought, “wow that sounds racist”, but let me be clear: It is difficult to live in a society that makes you hate being black. I’m black but I’m not poor. I’m black but I’m not aggressive. I’m not a super predator, or ghetto, or a thug (The Hate U Give). I’m black and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I had to overcome self-hatred. I’m black and I’m beautiful.

I look at this beautiful woman I’ve turned into and I forget that I wasn’t always her. I found her. I healed me. I did the work to build the foundation for a future I was never supposed to have. What if all this time I’ve been belittling myself for something so trivial (because let’s be real, we all know I’m going to be YouTube famous at the very least), and all this time I’ve actually been doing something so amazing.

No one else has done this. At least not where I’m from. I don’t know many little girls from Newark, raised by teenage moms, that go from a single parent household in the projects to an Ivy League college and then are self-employed by 25. I don’t know many little girls that strive for happy healthy relationships when they’ve never actually even seen one in real life. I don’t know many little girls willing to stand up against everyone and lose the people they love most, because they have so much confidence in their dream and their ability to make the world a better place. Actually, I do know one little girl, ME. I DID THAT! (Also, Cardi B did that, just saying. #TeamCARDI)

It was hard because the path didn’t exist yet. And I couldn’t afford a chainsaw, so I had to knock down every tree by hand, by myself. And I’m still knocking down trees, but at least now I can afford an ax. For the first time in my life, I am able to efficiently help myself. And others when they need help too.

The thing is, I’m here now. I can see the fucking beach. And on the beach there are boats that I can afford. And all the chainsaws I could ever want! I can leave the island or I can stay and forge another path. A hundred more paths. A million more paths! I am free to make whatever decision I want and it will not be the hardest thing I’ve ever done because that phase of my life is over.

I’ve made it to the fucking beach. Do you know how easy it will be to chainsaw some trees when I’ve been knocking them down by hand my entire life? What obstacles?? Fuck it, maybe one day I’ll even have a bulldozer!

I have no idea what my future holds and I don’t even want to plan it because maybe I’ve been thinking too small. All I know is, I’m at the beach. I can feel the sand and I can smell the salt water. And I’m fucking running towards it.

Metaphor: Life is a jungle and you’ve gotta make it to the beach. Oh, and the chainsaw is privilege you get from being rich and/or white. I can’t be white, but I can be rich! #imnotblackimOJ #OJdidntgotojailformurder 🤷🏽‍♀️

Songs of the Day:  Fight Song x Rachel Platten | Formation x Beyonce 🧜🏽‍♀️

Update- How I Make Money 💸

Helloooooo ladies! I just uploaded Fuck Your Feelings and I am feeling all kinds of spicy. I also realized for an entrepreneur, my female entrepreneurship section is real empty. So hi, this is how I make my money and can vacation when I want (when I can afford), without technically having a job. And without literally having a boss. And without being a famous social influencer. It’s not always the most glamorous, but I’m pretty not prissy. Let’s do this. 🌸😎🥂

If you read my Quick Money post, then you might know I am the #queen of side hustles. But I’m getting older now. I’m 25. And consistency makes me happy. I just like consistency I can control and alter. (Ahem, flexibility). Which is why I make my money through 2 main channels at the moment: Uber and Temp Agencies.

Disclaimer: I pay for my own health insurance out of pocket.

Disclaimer: I get as many sick and vacation days as I want. I work for myself.

Disclaimer: You can start your own 401k. You don’t actually need a boss.

UBER

Uber is my baby boy. I love Uber. I make friends, I network, people give me free things like YSL perfume and sealed CBD samples*. Uber is a party in a job. Every day is different, and after you set aside your own taxes (approx. 20% depending on where you live), you make about $15-$20 per hour. And you get to set your own schedule and work as little or as much as you want. And they give you bonuses!

Personally, I’m a lazy girl. I do not like hard work. I like spending money and getting tan. But I also like being a strong independent woman and being able to afford my own online shopping and vacations. So I work to live. I work just enough to provide the life I want for myself. And then I go have fun.

I make money and I have the ability to shop or vacation whenever I want. Because I make my own schedule and I can make as much (or as little) money as I need.  Is Uber the most glamorous? No. Is my life? Pretty fucking close.

*I save the CBD samples for later when I’m home. Driving while high is dangerous and super illegal. So is driving while drunk. Duh.

TEMP AGENCY

So Uber is great, but sometimes my butt hurts. And sometimes I get really annoyed with people thinking I’m their personal chauffeur. I’m getting paid $5 for this ride Nancy. Shut the f*ck up and stop asking for air conditioning. Gas is literally $4.09/ga right now. That’s better than my college GPA. NO.

Sometimes I don’t want to drive people around all day. I want to sit in an office and check my backlogged emails, or work on my business plan, or binge read what’s up on CNN. And I want to get paid for it just like everybody else. That’s where temping comes in and it is absolutely amazing.

For personal reasons, I am not going to tell you which exact agencies I temp through, but I will tell you that your city probably has a few temp agencies in whatever field you are in OR would like to go into. 😁💸

In case you don’t know how temping works, on Friday or Monday your temp recruiter will call or email you with openings they have available and tell you the pay rate, dress code, parking situation, etc. The pay is usually between $12-$15 per hour in LA (which is also why I prefer Uber) and you are physically in that office either a half day or a whole day. Sometimes 1 day, sometimes 3 days, sometimes 2 half days, sometimes 2 weeks. If you don’t want to work for a month, email your recruiter and say so. You’re free! Do what you want!

OR you can come across a company you love, they ask you to stay full time, and BAM! You just got your dream job!

Temping is great for women who:

  1. want to travel the world and still “have a job”,
  2. are starting their own businesses and need flexibility, and
  3. might not know which field they want to go into and want to try a few first.

Temping is actually amazing and if you don’t want a job, I suggest you work for someone temporarily, get your own shit together, and not have to quit when you leave because you never actually worked there.

Question: which is more important, having a life you love or a job that you think people will be impressed by? Let me know in the comments section! Love you byeeee!

On Repeat: When We Were Young x Lost Kings 🎡

#followmeonSnapchatandInstagram #shamelessplug @LiahAmani

How To: Make Quick Money in Los Angeles

In honor of quitting my job and deciding to be a full-time social influencer, I thought I would share with you guys how to make a little extra cash from the comforts of your own home!

Disclaimer: These are all services I have used/continue to use and this is literally how I make extra money. Continue reading “How To: Make Quick Money in Los Angeles”