COVID-19: Stop Waiting For Tomorrow 🦠

I made another sale today! My first on Shopify since I switched platforms. How many Shopify stores have I had over the years? I got my first Shopify sale today!! And fun fact: if the customer pays with Paypal I get paid same day, just like Depop. Except larger orders so more profit. Yay!

I feel weird because I’m not sure where I am or what’s next. I watched Someone Great with my Grandma Rita tonight #quarantine2020. I’m over my ex, finally!! YAY!

Actually, I think I might even be ready to fall in love again? What does that look like? How will he support my dreams? I want a husband who will always pick up and move to Los Angeles with me. Not because he’s whipped, but because he just wants to be where I am. And because he believes in me. That’s important to me. I know that now. 💜

It’s funny because I finally feel like I’m ready to live my life again and now we’re all under self-quarantine. Soon-to-be mandated quarantine. Yay! (not). So that sucks; summer is coming and I really wanted to play. Maybe this can teach me to stop waiting for tomorrow?

Jlo and Arod are making Tik Toks now. Coronavirus has literally leveled the playing field. Everyone has their homes, their electronic devices, and their bodies. Some people have lots of money. That’s pretty much it. We’re all the same otherwise. Coronavirus has really created the perfect time to relaunch my social media career. From home, in my pajamas.

Maybe God knew I wouldn’t rejoin the world on my own so he brought the world to me: via mobile. And then when everyone gets to go back outside I will rejoin them. I’ll be ready too. Then maybe that’s when I’ll meet my husband. Maybe? Definitely! I want him.

Now that I have me I want him too. I promise not to lose my dreams or myself because we’re all I’ve got, but I want dessert too. But like, dessert. Never rely on him for all my nutrients. 🍩

I want more sales. Now.

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Spring Cleaning For a Boss 2020 💌

I took “another” day off today. Except yesterday was not a day off because I worked all morning, decided not to work anymore, then painted my nails and cleaned my room before going to bed. Not a day off. Although, I do love my new Barbie Pink dip powder manicure. 💅🏽

Today, during my actual day off, I played dress-up with corsets and baseball caps. T’was fun. And very cute. Then I styled and posted some new photos for Depop after I went through my summer clothes. Those Bermuda short suits are going to be huge this summer and they happen to look great with corsets!

After I pulled out every piece of clothing I owned, I reloaded my closet with some of the clothes I’d tucked away for summer. I might have gotten rid of my storage container, but I still kept a little piece of me and my time in LA. I got that black cropped Girl Code tee back! And the white tank I wore during my trip to San Francisco and my FaceTime with my mom at the Golden Gate Bridge. I hung that in my closet today!

Los Angeles, 2019

I also realized I need to start promoting the affiliate program much more aggressively. I’m going to create a work from wherever, part-time job for beautiful young women that pays very well. Because that’s what we need. I can’t wait to tell Harvard all about how I’m employing young women all over America. 🌎☺️

Last thing: I have hobbies!! Depop and kickboxing. I have this huge pile of clothes in my room and I want to alter and sell all of it. My first side project as a fashion designer: turn trash clothes into fab clothes and resell them. It’s also great for the environment! Plus I can include Heirs & Hers promo cards in my Depop packages so it’s good for business too. 🥊☺️

I don’t really know what else to say. I’m happy. I’m content. I can’t wait to really start making money but otherwise, life is great. Heirs even has 32 organic followers on Instagram! My demographic seems to be attractive, slightly rebellious, young women in their early 20’s. Either in college or just out by a few years. Doctors! Lot’s of med students. And ballerinas! Very cool women.

I fucking love my brand! I love my customer. I love my life!

#HappyFriday 🎉🎉

Thank You, God. Sincerely, CEO.

My mom agreed to be my first business investor and I just sent her the contract to sign.

I just wanted to thank God really quickly before everything changes and I completely jump headfirst into my new life.

So here it is: Thank you God for everything. Thank you for my struggles. Thank you for making me strong and compassionate. Thank you for making me beautiful. Thank you for making me brilliant. Thank you for my mother and our new willingness to work together to heal our relationship. Thank you for breaking down my ego; I don’t need that shit.

Thank you for building me to be proud. I like me and that’s new and amazing and I am so grateful.

Thank you for raising me to be someone who really cares about other people. Thank you for teaching me I might be the next Angela Davis, or Beyoncè, or Oprah. Combined. Thank you for making me a woman.

I just got off the phone with the storage company in LA and I don’t want anything I put in storage before I left; sell it all. Who gets to start new like this? I have a fresh start to move to Boston, or NJ, or even back to Los Angeles if I want.

I’m free and I’m self-employed. I have my own company. I’m 26. Thank you, God for the abundance of blessings you have sent my way. I will make you so proud. I will change the world. I may even get Elizabeth Warren elected for President. I don’t really know what my future holds, but I do know it will be great.

I may take the rest of the night “off”, not sure yet, but I vow to wake up a woman on fire tomorrow. I will wake up a woman with a purpose. Thank you for that.

Amen.

WTF Is Imposter Syndrome?

Today was crazy scary, but in a good way. Everything aligned. My website aesthetic is almost orgasmic, I have photos for my Instagram ads, and I have a red she loves me not baseball cap launching just in time for Valentine’s Day. Life is great.

Except I feel like I’m faking it and someone is going to find out soon and tell the teacher that I don’t belong here. I design corsets and trade stocks. Day trading is a fairly new hobby, but I’ve already started making money and it’s fun so I like it. But also, who the f*ck does that? What girl day trades in her free time? I must be a fraud. I can’t run a company; they’re going to find out.

Why do we do this to ourselves? What value is there in turning all of your accomplishments into nagging feedback? Sometimes I wish I had all the answers.

Here’s what I do know: when I’m not sure I can do something I look at another woman who did it. Emily Weiss founded Glossier when she was 29. She dominated social media, disrupted an entire industry, and sells awesome makeup and skincare worth over a billion dollars.

Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters‘ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence” – Harvard Business Review.

Here’s the thing: by definition suffering from imposter’s syndrome means you have already achieved evident success. How are you not good enough if you’ve already done it? How are you not good enough if you’ve already accomplished all those other things that got you here? Your self doubt is just that, yours. Let it go.

Look at a woman who is doing exactly what you want to do so that you can remind yourself that it can be done. Research her and learn from exactly what she did. Maybe email her and thank her for creating a path for you where there wasn’t one #potentialmentor. Watch the Beyonce Formation video 100 times back to back. Tap into your inner womanhood that reminds you of your strength, grace, and dignity and step up with a smile.

You deserve to be here. You earned this. Now please excuse me while I get back to running my company and building my legacy. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I Told Myself I Was A Sh*tty CEO This Morning

Two things:

1) I am getting my Harvard Interview and

2) I told myself I was a horrible CEO this morning.

*3) I really need to work on my confidence.

I am getting my Harvard interview because I am a rocket preparing to launch and they can’t not see that. I am Harvard’s opportunity to catch someone great; I may not have a reason to apply again next year. But in case they don’t see that (yet) I know I’m getting an interview because I’ve at least drummed up curiosity.

I’m a YouTuber. Like period. I sell eBooks. I make videos that get 80K views. Ok, one video. In my height I averaged 8K views per good video, but that’s not nothing and a lot of people can’t do that.

I am a YouTuber. I am a CEO. I am a Fashion Designer. I may be a Harvard Business School Student.

I wonder if Harvard is my version of the Aspen ski season? I need somewhere to be and working in Aspen isn’t the worst place. Is that where I am right now? Do I even really want Harvard? Will I even need business school in 8 months?

YouTube gives me YouTube network. I sell clothes and self help books. I don’t need Harvard’s network because this rocket is launching either way. Plus, it’s only two years and HBS is the best formal education in the thing I want to be great at. It’s Harvard. It’s social validation that I am one of the best. And brightest. It’s my last stamp of approval that says I can make up for all the mistakes in my past. It’s a place to call home for the next two years and it’s cozy with great shopping. It’s me proving to myself that I can make a commitment to stay somewhere for two years. For as long as I promised. I want Harvard; it’s like my finishing school. 💜

And guess what, I did not drive for Uber yesterday. I filmed half of the 2020 Glow Up video and was so tired I passed out watching KUWTK. I can film the rest tomorrow before I hang out with Theress. Shoutout to Wednesday Uploads! Plenty of time to film. 😂

I am filming my first video with affiliate links because I’m an idiot and just realized I could get paid for my YouTube videos. But also thank you for giving me the audience to be able to gain Amazon and Target Influencer approval. You guys mean the world to me.

I sell clothes and self help books (and everything you need to buy to keep up with your lifestyle). I’m not a shitty CEO. I’m building a big system and I’m doing the best I can. And that best is good enough. I am good enough. I am so good that I even deserve someone I can ask for help. In the form of an investor/mentor. I could use a cheerleader with coaching qualities 📈.

Heirs & Hers. Coming soon.

I Applied to Harvard!!! 📚🎓

I applied to Harvard yesterday. I don’t think I really realized what I was doing, but now it’s a real done thing and I applied to Harvard Business School yesterday.

I’m looking at my planner and this week is still a lot, but it’s so much more chill. With applying to Harvard, I just pushed through until everything was done. Sacrificing sleep, showers and food at times. For the cause. And now all I have to do is build the website (with Anastasia), go to Boston and pay for Paris because I promised myself a vacation and baby needs one 💕.

Website. Boston. Paris. Those are this week’s priorities. Also my business cards get here today (!). Each week is getting so much better than the last one.

I am fucking terrified. Like, smoked weed all morning (it’s 9:30am) and literally don’t know what to do with my day. Paralysis. How do I stop this part from happening? The fear and paralysis, how do I not feel this anymore?

I am scared shitless of my success and I don’t want to be. Actually I want to run towards it. Into the sun 🌞.

I think I just figured out my blog. Pick one diary entry a week and post it to the world. With a fashion side because I really need to improve as a professional blogger. My YouTube and blog are my hobbies (that also happen to be very lucrative). Heirs & Hers is my career, aka my day job. This is my life. I also enjoy kickboxing and have already paid for 3 classes.

I’m free. I just won the game. I made it out of the tower and I rescued my fucking self. This is my life. I have a job, I have hobbies, I have a workout. I have a diet. I have a sense of style. My style. I have a sense of self. My self. ❤️And on top of it all I just applied to Harvard Business School so I have that to look forward to as well.

It feels like God just opened the gates and said, “Go on babygirl, run. Be free.” I get to run now. I get to be free. I’m making my dreams come true!

Re-Watching My Old YouTube Videos. Thank you #VLOGMAS 🎄

I just uploaded Vlogmas Day 3 and it’s my day off and I had a little time to spare so I rewatched old videos. I saw the video I made almost a year ago today. It was my final LA Update. I was saying goodbye and I was telling why. And looking back I had no idea wtf I was talking about, my nonprofit still doesn’t exist, and I don’t want to be a copywriter I want to be a fashion designer. But I started off wanting to be a lawyer so yay improvement! 

December 16, 2018

I was wearing a full face of bright makeup and I looked great, but I don’t really look like me and you can tell I’m sad. I had just started wearing my hair curly and it was really short. I was finding myself and willing to jump off a ledge to see what was down there. I had no freaking clue that six months later I’d be working on a resort in Alaska. And then 6 months after that working at a startup in NYC. I had a failed romance in between in Seattle and now I just hired a graphic designer! I get to juggle the new responsibility of paying someone else when a year ago I could barely pay my own bills. Wow!

August 30, 2019

Here’s what’s so cool about vlogmas: every day seems mundane and boring when you live it, but there is something so incredible about being able to look back on exactly where you were in those moments. How did you live your days? My Alaska vlogs look nothing like my NYC vlogs and those look nothing like my LA vlogs. I was a completely different human for my cross-country road trip vlogs! I drove a BMW! 

March 10, 2017

Christmas is great because it’s the beginning of a holiday and the ending of a season. 2019 is (almost) over. Where were you one year ago? And it’s easy to remember because what were you doing last Christmas?? ☺️🎄 Have you accomplished whatever you wanted back then? Are you still with that man? Do you still drive that car? How often do you see your sisters now compared to last year? 👯‍♀️

Thank you Vlogmas for reminding me to stop and reflect. We are not where we were last year. We are not those people anymore. We are new people now, with new experiences, for better or for worse. 

June 12, 2018


Lucky me, I’ve committed 25 days of my life to documenting those memories. I get to talk to my YouTube subscribers every day for a month. I get to verbalize my experiences and put imagery and music to them. I committed to 25 little movies of my life! And guess what? I get to do the same thing next year and rewatch those videos and laugh at how far I’ve come all over again. Happy Vlogmas 2019, you should try it! 

December 4, 2019

Feeling Super Grateful This Thanksgiving 🦃

As we all know, Thanksgiving just passed and while it’s not the New Year, I can’t help but reflect on the crazy year it’s been so far.

If you follow my blog then you know that in this last year alone I have lived in my car, been unemployed, and traveled like my life depended on it. I was lost, literally, and figured I would travel until I found myself or a better place to be.

I settled on New York City and this month alone has been life changing.

Today, I am grateful for my completed logo! I am grateful that I have the funds to pay an awesome graphic designer to help me build my dream. I am grateful that I am launching my own fashion line this February and it gets to be everything I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl. I am grateful that I’m brave enough to attempt Vlogmas this year and get my YouTube career back on track. I’m grateful that I’m brave enough to know my ex might watch and do it anyway.

What else am I grateful for? My home, and a bed to sleep in every night. My Uber driver yesterday told me she is currently living in her car so I gave her my pepper spray, bought her dinner, and told her to call me if she ever wants to sleep in a bed. I’m always nice to strangers but this woman felt different.

Seven months ago I was living in my car on food stamps. Nowhere felt like home and I figured I would drive until I found it. During a serious depressive episode. And then I pulled myself through. I’m thankful for that too. And I hope I gave her the faith to know she’ll get through it herself. And maybe she’ll even appreciate this time because even if it doesn’t make her stronger, at least she’s found a new friend in me.

Here are some more things I’m grateful for:

Grateful for all the crazy dates I’ve been on lately.

Grateful that I don’t pay rent.

Grateful that my grandma lets me be me.

Very Grateful that I have weed to smoke every night.

Grateful for my job. And pending promotion!

Grateful that the twins still love me even when I’m not there.

Grateful that I get to start the business of my dreams at 26 years young.

I know the holidays are starting and people are both excited and stressed, but this holiday season I urge you to be excited. I urge you to find what you’re grateful for and realize that even if it sucks now it’s a part of your story and potentially the biggest blessing of your life. Because this will get you where you need to be.

I urge you to put down the Thanksgiving leftovers and make a list of what you’re grateful for right now, at this very moment. And then I urge you to make a prospective list of what you’ll be grateful for next year. And fight like hell to achieve it.

Happy Thanksgiving my darlings! This season has just begun. 😉

It’s My Mom’s Birthday 🧁

So today is my mom’s birthday! And of course I’m sending her a gift, but I also wanted to write something to tell my mom how much I love her. Except it was a little hard, because we haven’t always had the best relationship. So, I googled “famous songs about moms”. It took me one song to know what to write.

Here’s why I love my mom:

  • She’s beautiful. Her smile and laugh have always been two of my favorite things in the entire world. My mother lights up every room she walks into and I love her for it. My mom sparkles. 
  • She’s literally one of the strongest people I know. I remember when I was around 12 my aunt stopped paying the mortgage (for months) and one day stopped taking my mom’s rent money because she was telling us to move out. Abruptly. Because foreclosure. My mom freaked for a bit, but then she bought the house. My early 30’s single mom turned a shitty situation into home ownership. And then she turned it into investment property. Like a boss.
  • My mom really is a boss. Literally. My mom employs half of my family. My mom is the reason I know my grandma is okay while I’m all the way in Alaska. My mom is the reason I can afford to send my grandma new purses while I’m all the way in Alaska. My mom is setting an example for my little sisters and all the other little black girls in my community. My mom is showing Newark Black Female Entrepreneurship every day. My mom is changing the world. 
  • My mom has a really nice touch. We stopped hugging as I got older, but sometimes I break down and let her hug me and I swear I can melt in her arms. My mom fills me with warmth, especially when I need her the most. 
  • My mom is pretty fucking selfless. She doesn’t give me everything I want, but she definitely gives a lot to a lot of people. Apparently my mom is kind of a pushover, who knew! I love that I’ve lived with my mom my entire life and other people can still show me things about her that I love. 
  • I just really fucking like her. The more I get to know my mom, the more I really really like her. The more I respect her. The more I admire her. The more I’m proud of her. She’s kind of cool. 

I am proud to say that I feel like I could go on forever, but I think we get the point. I love my mom. And as I’m sitting in Alaska with the privilege to start an online fashion brand and prepare to move to a new city, I can’t help but thank her too. 

Thank you mom for everything you have ever done for me. Thank you for allowing me to wreck your car on my joyride to Delaware and live to brag about it. Thank you for tucking me in and kissing my forehead my first night home from LA. Thank you for being my net and making sure I never fall too far. Thank you for teaching me travel is life. Thank you for always coming back when I push you away. (Thank you for breast feeding and pumping for me when I was a baby). Thank you for being the strong, boss of an empire that you are. And thank you for never being afraid to leave a man you knew wasn’t your soulmate. Thank you for being the absolute best example of a woman. I love you. 

Happy Birthday! 

Welcome to Seattle! Failing Out Loud 🚣

So I’ve been homeless for 3 months. I’ve lived in at least 6 cities, tripled the names in my contact list, and traded my MacBook Air for an iPad with a keyboard because iPads have data and travel is life. My Verizon phone bill is Unlimited Everything and $150 a month. And I can’t tell you the last time I paid rent. Or held a job longer than two weeks.

Before this, I can’t tell you the last time I really liked myself. Or was proud of my accomplishments. I can’t tell you the last time I looked at my life and smiled.

Now, I get giddy. Literally. I’m fucking excited for my life. And sometimes waking up is hard, because being homeless is extremely exhausting, but starting a new adventure every day is also exhilarating.

Confused?

I have been hiding my failures since I moved to LA three years ago and that’s been stupid. If you knew me then, you would think I’m a huge failure now; a lot of people do. I ruined my credit, have no savings, and I’m not even in Seattle anymore because I didn’t love it. Literally. I looked around and asked myself, “do i love this?” and when I realized the answer was “no” I moved on to the next place.

When I left LA in February, I think @JeanineAmapola had just announced another Big Surprise! for her followers and I remember thinking, “do they ever fail?” Influencers. Do they ever fail. People think I’m an influencer and I’m convinced I’m not because I fail all the time. And when I fail I’m scared to tell people/show people and let the world judge me, so then I don’t take pictures or film videos or make content either.

And then I fail at being an influencer because I’m not making any content so see, I’m not an influencer. I created my own failure.

I’m moving back to Los Angeles, full time. After traveling for 3 months, I realized I left because I felt inadequate. Everyone was hustling and I couldn’t get out of bed. Girls were spending small fortunes on House of CB and all I wanted to do was smoke weed at the beach. I didn’t fit in so I thought I wasn’t good enough. I was scared of failing so I left. I failed on purpose so LA couldn’t do it for me. I quit.

Does Jeanine fail? Does she ever have a great big idea that she thinks will change the world and then it just doesn’t? Does she ever go to the gym and treadmill for 30 mins just to go to Panda Express after because food makes her happy? Memorial Day is coming up, will Jeanine choose a one-piece because she feels inadequate? Does she ever feel inadequate??

I assume the answer is yes, to at least some of these questions. Because you can’t have progress without failure. If Jeanine, or any other influencer, never posted shitty videos she probably wouldn’t have learned to make good ones. If Jeanine didn’t share her stories with the internet, she probably wouldn’t even have subscribers to announce her Grand Surprises! to.

We fail because we’re scared to try, not because we’re not good enough. What if we stopped feeling ashamed when we failed and we just started embracing it?

What if your story includes your failures and that’s why you feel empty every time you try to hide them? Stop feeling ashamed or guilty when you fuck up. You will fuck up. Tell someone. Screw it, write a blog and tell everyone, “ I FAILED, but boy did I try! Or maybe I didn’t try, but that’s a learning experience too!”

If we don’t say our failures out loud we can’t celebrate them. I’ve been homeless for three months (FAIL) but I’ve traveled more in this time than I have in my entire life (SUCCESS). I’ve met so many guys I think I’m actually ready to start dating again. And now I even know what I’m looking for!

I’ve had so many people cook me dinner I could probably eat anything at this point. Personal favorite? Boxed Mac and Cheese “casserole” with canned chicken mixed in and topped with melted cheese, courtesy of my friends in Mt. Shasta, CA. I ate every bite. I’ve sat in so many homes. ❤️

Fail out loud and let the world see. I wish I had documented my trip, because now I can’t even show you guys how awesome it was. I don’t have vlogs with all the incredible people I met along the way. I didn’t Instagram the Mac and Cheese. Or the nice grown man about 30 who’d probably never seen a pretty (black) woman before and literally insisted on giving me all his candy. I took some. It was adorable.

I can’t share those moments with you guys because I actively hid them and that sucks. And I don’t even have those memories documented for myself, which sucks a little more.

Fearing failure steals your happiness. Don’t do it. Embrace the sunshine. Fail Out Loud. 🌞

Song of the Day: This is Me x Demi Lovato 🦋